If only we knew then...

I'm in the process of organizing the office, and came across a photo album of old pictures that my mom put together for me before Brad and I got married. I had gone through the album then, but in the hoopla of the wedding, I never really took time to look at everything. So, I took sometime today.

As I started getting to the middle school and high school pics, I felt myself becoming an insecure 14 year old, ready to judge myself for every way that I did not measure up. Ugly braces, pudgy, too white, weird smile... Thankfully though, my 35 year old brain kicked in, and I was able to see those pictures (and me) for what I what I really was back then. And, I was cute! It's funny, I have been out of school for as long as I was in school (it's been 17 years!), yet there is a part of me that still saw young Amy through the harsh glare of a tween reality. I still held teenage angst about how I looked, and had never really taken the time to see myself through untainted adult eyes. In a weird way, all these years later, I had an epiphany TODAY about how I looked 20 plus years ago. I did measure up back then- I just didn't know it!

It's so sad that perspective like this so often doesn't come until you are older. What's the old cliche, youth is wasted on the young. So so true.

It got me thinking though. I had a lot of confidence as a kid, but I still didn't think I close to measured up. So what do I do to try to make sure my girls don't have similar struggles? Is it just an inevitable part of growing up, or is there something we can do? I'll continue to think on that, but in the meantime, we have a family friend who is 15, so I felt obliged to send her the following email:

This is very random, but I thought you might want to hear the words of wisdom that just occurred to me. They might mean something to you, they might not, but I thought I'd pass them on...
So, I was going through a box of old pictures that my Mom had given me, and there are tons of me in middle school and high school. When I think back to those times, although I did have a lot of fun, I remember myself being a bit pudgy and not so cute. I was constantly judging myself and comparing myself (which is what pretty much ALL teenage girls do, right?) and never really felt that I measured up. But now, I look back, and I gotta say- I was pretty adorable. First, I was thin. Maybe I wasn't a stick, but I had a very nice little body. (Not sure what I was thinking.) Second, I was pretty cute. (Granted- the braces were not a good look, but what can you do? But, the sad fact is, I truly didn't see it then. I was so caught up in being a teenager, and wishing I was something I wasn't (tan, tall, gorgeous hair like you) that I never ever appreciated myself for what I was. I let myself feel like I wasn't good enough for years, and looking back, that was so ridiculous!
About my second year of college, I kinda came into my own and started figuring things out. I gained a lot more confidence and did start to think that I looked pretty good. But, it's too bad that it took me that long. I wish I had that confidence in middle school and high school!
So, my public service announcement is this:
I hope you see how beautiful you are! Not just in 'oh- my grandma thinks I'm pretty' terms, but in- 'you are really a gorgeous girl' terms. Someday you will wake up and be me, with two kids and a belly that does NOT look like it used to, and you will wish you realized how amazing you looked back in the day. Don't let it pass you by! Love yourself now and enjoy every pretty, skinny moment And remember, we are all our worst critics. I bet if you could see yourself the way your classmates see you, you would be really amazed at how gorgeous they think you are!
Hope you have a nice day and sorry for my random message. Maybe you can remember this and make sure and pass it on to my girls in 13 years
Amy

She immediately sent this message back:  Awwwww! Thank you so much. That made my whole day. That means a lot that you took the time to type all of that. And to be honest I hate the way I look and I hate the way I act towards others too. This means a lot thank you(:

I think sometimes we forget how hard it was to be a teenager and how much these poor kids live in their own heads. Teenagers are tough to be around, but if I recall correctly, it's because it's just plain tough to be a teenager! I wouldn't wish a teenage re-do on anyone! (20's- I'd redo in a heartbeat though ;)

Now, to maintain this perspective! Please remind me of this in 13 years when I have two teenage girls and am pulling out my much-less-lush-than-it-was-when-I-was-younger hair! 

8th Grade Dinner Dance    //////   Senior picture